"Keep Your Goddamn Government Hands off My Medicare!"

Arthur Laffer, he of the "Laffer Curve", the architect of Supply Side (or "Trickle-Down") Economics, Reagan's favorite economist, and famously mentioned by Ben Stein's character in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" (is there anything in life Ferris Bueller doesn't make more relevant?), had this to say about health care reform recently:

"If you like the post office and the Department of Motor Vehicles and you think they're run well, just wait till you see Medicare, Medicaid and health care done by the government."

Right, Art. Here in Indiana, the wait at the BMV for anything is less than the wait for a Big Mac and fries at McDonald's. And as for the United States Postal Service, where else are you going to find a company that will, for less than 50 cents, pick up and deliver a letter to anyplace in the United States? Not FedEx, not UPS. Nobody. Sure, e-mail is free, and if you use the library or Starbucks, or anyplace that has wi-fi free, you don't even have to pay an ISP. But a letter is sometimes preferable to an e-mail, is it not? You wouldn't write a "Dear John" e-mail. My mother can't send the endless newspaper clippings she sends me through gmail.

So, Art Laffer wants to compare the possible government managed health care plan to the two most efficient services of government extant. And the two bureaucracies with which each of us has intimate knowledge. Great comparison. I'm sold on government-run health care just from Arthur Laffer's denunciation. And I'm not even considering that it was Laffer who helped create the worst economic policy since the Hoover Administration.

It's time for the Republicans to get a new metaphor. The United States Postal Service and the various states' Bureaus of Motor Vehicles are entirely too efficient for the rhetorical effect the Right wants. I hate to help them out, but my recent experience gave me a great idea.

The Republicans need to start using Amtrak for a metaphor. If they want to compare government managed health care to the most inefficient of the federal government's programs, Amtrak is their golden opportunity. You already know of my experiences with rail travel. Amtrak is the perfect metaphor for the Right.

But they can use whatever metaphor they want; they still cannot convince the majority of Americans that government run health care is a bad idea. That's because we already have it in the guise of Medicare and Medicaid. In fact, the older people attending town hall meetings on the topic lately are using this as a talking point: "I don't want the government to take over health care because I don't want them screwing up my Medicare." While this may not be a direct quote, people are actually expressing this concern at town hall meetings. It's insane.

So Medicare obviously works, because the people who benefit from it don't want the government mucking it up. Therefore, the government can operate an efficient, well-run health care plan. And let's not forget who insures all our elected representatives, our congressmen, our senators, even our president: that's right, the United States Government.

So what's the problem?

[Note: The title for this post was suggested by, and in fact directly lifted from, an article in The Huffington Post by Bob Cesca. I'm hoping that the fair use doctrine extends to this.]

Of False Prophets and Poo-Flinging Monkeys

Just when I thought the right couldn't possibly get any crazier, they come along and make my lunatic Great-Aunt Myrtis (that's right, she was from the Old South) seem as rational as Michelle Obama (a comparison which would have enraged that batshit-crazy racist bitch). According to Talking Points Memo, Jon Voight was the "celebrity" speaker at Monday's GOP Circle-Jerk, and after this bullshit he was spouting, it's no wonder Angelina Jolie wants nothing to do with him. After praising the Rogues' Gallery of the right, "Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, Laura Ingraham, Mark Levin, William Bennett, Glenn Beck, Hugh Hewitt, Dennis Prager, Michael Medved, Dennis Miller, Dick Morris, Ann Coulter, John Kasich, Michael Steele, Karl Rove, Newt Gingrich, Thomas Sowell, Victor Davis Hanson, Shelby Steele, Charles Krauthammer, Michelle Malkin, Fred Barnes and so many others", he went on to call President Obama a "false prophet".

Now, this is wrong on so many levels, I don't know where to start. Let's begin with the "false prophet" tag Voight laid on Obama. My guess is he wanted to go with the "AntiChrist" label that the fundamentalist loons have been spouting, but thought it was too far out there. Are you kidding? Go with it, Jon. At that monkey-shit-tossing extravaganza, that would have made you King Primate. So, maybe he didn't just dial it back, and "false prophet" was really what he meant. So, where is the Book of Barack that is going to go into the Bible, or at least the apocrypha? Maybe I haven't been paying as much attention to the President's speeches as I should have been, but I think I'd have noticed if he went on a "Woe be unto you, O Israel, a curse on you, O Jerusalem" full-on prophet/nutcase rant. Maybe if we play his speeches backwards, we'll get the truly Satanic stuff, kind of like the Beatles albums. And isn't Voight worried that the liberal, Jewish, Zionist elite that runs Hollywood (and the rest of all media except Fox) will see this and blacklist him from working in films again?

Next, let's turn to the Demon's Roll-Call Voight introduced. He just about covered every major wingnut in politics or media today. I'll be honest, I was a fan of Dennis Miller for a long time, even when he was on HBO. When the "rants" started getting edgier and, well, let's face it, crazier, I began to worry. Now he's abandoned all pretense and he's on right wing radio spouting conspiracy theories with the same good humor he used to use on "Weekend Update". ("That's the news the Jewish controlled media doesn't want you to hear folks, and I am outta here!") But what's Michael Steele doing in that group? I thought the guy was a joke to the true believers. Oh wait, he's their token negro. Gotta keep up that charade of inclusion. And Michael Medved? When did he go from just some cranky old "hey kids, get off my lawn" movie critic to mover and shaker in the conservative movement? Come on, if you don't like the movie because it's too "liberal" then don't fucking watch it! There's a word for folks who try to dictate what we can and can't watch: Fascist.

There's a reason that everybody to the right of George Herbert Walker Bush is concerned about the future of the conservative movement and the Republican Party: The lunatics are running the asylum! When Hannity, Limbaugh, O'Reilly and Coulter are prominent on a list of the "stars" of the conservative movement, you know they don't have anyone of substance to carry the ball. Only two names on that list stand out for that type of intellectualism, and they both carry more baggage than a bellhop at Caesar's Palace: Newt Gingrich and Bill Bennett. Neither are electable, but I'd love to see either of them try. Talk about a lock for Obama's next term. It's so bad, even Joe Scarborough has written a book about how the Republicans can get back on track. Morning Joe? The guy who does the stupid upper-body chair dances to "cool" old school songs when his show goes to commercial? The Republicans need a hero along the lines of...well, Obama, if they want to get back in the race. But for now, I'm just enjoying watching the monkeys fling shit.

Buckeye Pride (and Shame)

Some days I just want to let everyone know that I'm a Buckeye, born and raised in Troy, Ohio. I am proud of this. My father attended Ohio State University for 6 years (no, he wasn't slow, that's how long it took him to finish 4 years of undergrad and 3 years of law school). In fact, when he went to High School in New Philadelphia, Woody Hayes was Dad's History teacher.

Yes, I am proud to be a Buckeye. And as long as I live in Indiana or anywhere else, I will always be a Buckeye. I also happen, by virtue of being from Troy, to be a sometime member of Ohio's 8th congressional district, which is represented in the U.S. House by whosoever the voters choose.

Lately, and for the past 19 years or so, the voters of Ohio's 8th Congressional District have chosen John Boehner to be their elected representative in Washington, D.C. A quickly rising star in the Republican Party and popular hydrophobe, Boehner has risen to the position of House Minority Leader. (Actually, he was Majority Leader up until this past January, after American voters decided that 8 years of Republican control of the government created economic and social conditions that, shall we say, needed changed.)

Ever the loyal Republican, Boehner refuses to let this setback affect how he does business. Even now, he is on the attack against President Obama, a freely elected representative who wants, he claims, to put partisan attacks behind him and concentrate on the healing and regrowth of the nation.

In a recent post on The Plum Line, a commercial spot, sponsored by Boehner, suggests that Obama is making America safe for terrorists. I find this disappointing, because Obama promised us that he would keep us safe FROM terrorism. But Congressman Boehner, along with colleagues Eric Cantor and John McCain, show us otherwise. The awful truth is that Obama hates America and wants the terrorists to win. Just watch the video they produced for us.