Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Of False Prophets and Poo-Flinging Monkeys

Just when I thought the right couldn't possibly get any crazier, they come along and make my lunatic Great-Aunt Myrtis (that's right, she was from the Old South) seem as rational as Michelle Obama (a comparison which would have enraged that batshit-crazy racist bitch). According to Talking Points Memo, Jon Voight was the "celebrity" speaker at Monday's GOP Circle-Jerk, and after this bullshit he was spouting, it's no wonder Angelina Jolie wants nothing to do with him. After praising the Rogues' Gallery of the right, "Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, Laura Ingraham, Mark Levin, William Bennett, Glenn Beck, Hugh Hewitt, Dennis Prager, Michael Medved, Dennis Miller, Dick Morris, Ann Coulter, John Kasich, Michael Steele, Karl Rove, Newt Gingrich, Thomas Sowell, Victor Davis Hanson, Shelby Steele, Charles Krauthammer, Michelle Malkin, Fred Barnes and so many others", he went on to call President Obama a "false prophet".

Now, this is wrong on so many levels, I don't know where to start. Let's begin with the "false prophet" tag Voight laid on Obama. My guess is he wanted to go with the "AntiChrist" label that the fundamentalist loons have been spouting, but thought it was too far out there. Are you kidding? Go with it, Jon. At that monkey-shit-tossing extravaganza, that would have made you King Primate. So, maybe he didn't just dial it back, and "false prophet" was really what he meant. So, where is the Book of Barack that is going to go into the Bible, or at least the apocrypha? Maybe I haven't been paying as much attention to the President's speeches as I should have been, but I think I'd have noticed if he went on a "Woe be unto you, O Israel, a curse on you, O Jerusalem" full-on prophet/nutcase rant. Maybe if we play his speeches backwards, we'll get the truly Satanic stuff, kind of like the Beatles albums. And isn't Voight worried that the liberal, Jewish, Zionist elite that runs Hollywood (and the rest of all media except Fox) will see this and blacklist him from working in films again?

Next, let's turn to the Demon's Roll-Call Voight introduced. He just about covered every major wingnut in politics or media today. I'll be honest, I was a fan of Dennis Miller for a long time, even when he was on HBO. When the "rants" started getting edgier and, well, let's face it, crazier, I began to worry. Now he's abandoned all pretense and he's on right wing radio spouting conspiracy theories with the same good humor he used to use on "Weekend Update". ("That's the news the Jewish controlled media doesn't want you to hear folks, and I am outta here!") But what's Michael Steele doing in that group? I thought the guy was a joke to the true believers. Oh wait, he's their token negro. Gotta keep up that charade of inclusion. And Michael Medved? When did he go from just some cranky old "hey kids, get off my lawn" movie critic to mover and shaker in the conservative movement? Come on, if you don't like the movie because it's too "liberal" then don't fucking watch it! There's a word for folks who try to dictate what we can and can't watch: Fascist.

There's a reason that everybody to the right of George Herbert Walker Bush is concerned about the future of the conservative movement and the Republican Party: The lunatics are running the asylum! When Hannity, Limbaugh, O'Reilly and Coulter are prominent on a list of the "stars" of the conservative movement, you know they don't have anyone of substance to carry the ball. Only two names on that list stand out for that type of intellectualism, and they both carry more baggage than a bellhop at Caesar's Palace: Newt Gingrich and Bill Bennett. Neither are electable, but I'd love to see either of them try. Talk about a lock for Obama's next term. It's so bad, even Joe Scarborough has written a book about how the Republicans can get back on track. Morning Joe? The guy who does the stupid upper-body chair dances to "cool" old school songs when his show goes to commercial? The Republicans need a hero along the lines of...well, Obama, if they want to get back in the race. But for now, I'm just enjoying watching the monkeys fling shit.

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