Once, there was a little swallow who decided not to fly south for the winter. Autumn passed, and the swallow seemed happy in his insulated nest. But then the weather turned colder, and the swallow started questioning the wisdom of his decision. Then, about mid-January, a severe snow and ice storm convinced the swallow he had made a mistake. So he began the long journey, a few months late, but better late than never, he consoled himself. Soon, though, ice began to stick to his wings. As the ice accumulated, he became heavier and heavier until eventually, he crashed to the ground. So there he was, cold, disoriented, and miserable in some God-forsaken pasture with no hope of completing his journey. Just then, a cow came along and shit right on top of the little swallow. The heat from the cow-shit melted the ice on the bird's wings and warmed him. This cheered the little fellow up, so he poked his head out of the turd and began to sing. A cat happened to be passing by, heard the bird's song, and promptly dug the swallow out of the cow dung, cleaned him off, and promptly ate the bird.
So, what lessons have we learned from this tale? One: He who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy. Two: He who gets you out of shit is not necessarily your friend. And Three: If you're warm and happy in a pile of shit, keep your fucking mouth shut!